We have all made it into another new year. Even though January can hold a lot of the worst weather and the days are still short, the light of the first is in its fresh start vibes. Resolutions are an outdated ritual that left us all feeling a little like failures. But what if we saw January (and really any point in the year when you feel ready) as our signal to try something new, to rethink old habits, or to plant a few ‘seeds’ for the spring? Here’s the seed I want to plant with you: let’s rethink date night!
Mega Moments of Love
- Date nights have become outdated because our culture has shaped that label to mean going out for a fancy dinner and coming home for sex. But these are just activities- just the details. We are going to do some big picture thinking and rename date nights to ‘Mega-Moments of Love’.
- Mega-Moments of Love are the BIG PICTURE of date night. It is simply an extended moment of time where couples focus on each other one-to-one (i.e. not just the small actions we do and experience everyday as micro-moments of love). This time can build shared memories, create new learning, and strengthens bonds.
- If you are focussed on the big picture of having Mega-Moments of Love throughout the year, then you can pick whatever details and activities work for you as a couple. Your Mega-Moments of Love can be any day at any time and involve doing anything that you find enjoyable.
More than Date Nights
Date nights are outdated for a lot of us because we are missing the big picture of their importance. We have become stuck in the details that it only means to go out for a fancy dinner or to do some precursor activity to put everyone in the mood for sex. But that is way too myopic of a definition.
Let us zoom out a bit and think about the big picture of what a date night is supposed to accomplish. It is supposed to give you time to reconnect and share about life. It is supposed to give you time to share new experiences, make new choices, and create new shared memories. It is supposed to give you moments when your focus is just on each other- like when you first started dating. But to really help us to rethink and reframe date night, let us rename it to a Mega-Moment of Love!
Similar to our micro-moments of love (Love 2.0 by Dr. Barbara L. Fredrickson, PhD), which are the small daily actions and affectionate exchanges between us and the loves of our lives, our Mega-moments of Love are an extended time to focus on each other one-to-one. It is the time that we prioritize to spend with each other to create connection, affection, and memories. That means that you get to pick what you want for your Mega-Moment of Love. You get to choose what happens, when it happens, and how it happens. Wow. Freedom to create your own continuing love story.
The other bonus to prioritizing and planning a Mega-Moment of Love is that it creates opportunities for making decisions together that are positive and that do not carry the stress of life, work, childrearing, or money decisions. The collaborative time and communication that you put into your Mega-Moments of Love actually go towards growing and strengthening your bond leading up to it. The whole cycle of planning, participating, and reminiscing creates a virtuous cycle for growing your relationship.
Do remember though you can always take advantage of a change in schedule for impromptu Mega-Moments of Love. Your Mega-Moments are your own as a couple. The important part is creating the time for the big picture pieces that will keep you sparked!